Today I submitted my college application and registration fees. I don't know if I've ever been so excited to hand over thirty dollars in my life. It was perfect. All I could think, over and over in my head, was "Oh my god! I'm doing it! I'm not backing down from this plan!" The first official step.
You see, I'm twenty eight and a half years old. (I have small children, so that half a year is important data in my household.) I've been to college once and fudge it up pretty well. Not that I performed poorly, I simply didn't make good decisions, because my only guidance came from a strong but misguided spirituality. "Feeling led" by some divine hand made my clueless-ness easier to navigate, but the direction was anything but sound. In the end I earned a worthless degree from a worthless college, and two years worth of nontransferable credit hours. Thankfully, my blunders have at least served to educate me as I look back on them with the 20/20 vision we know as hindsight. And thankfully, I was so bored at my fake college that I took courses at the community college just for fun. So I do have some transferable credits.
It was only a few months back that I began entertaining the thought of going back to school. I wasn't really serious; I was just dreaming...figuring out what to do. I once dreamed of being a performing artist. A "rock star" to be precise. I was actually well on my way, but a family tragedy knocked me off my feet and I never recovered my passion for music. Instead, I worked on creating a calm, peace filled, and sane environment for my children and I. I was also doing well with that when another tragedy occurred and I found myself face first in the dirt again.
I felt lost and in the dark. All that I thought I would have was gone, and I no longer had a plan for the future. I felt like I was walking in a pitch black night, with nothing more than a candle to light my way. I could see mere feet ahead. In fact, all the future that I could envisage was simply the very next step. (What should I prepare for dinner? Who's baby sitting tonight, while I work?) For the first time in my life I had no flipping clue where I was going with my life. And it was the coolest place I'd ever been. For the first time in my life I was truly savoring each moment. Even in moments and days of deep depression, I still was living my life in a far more connected way than I ever had before. And I still kinda feel that way, though now I've started to construct a new future. Despite my planning, I'm determined to stay connected.
So anyway, I started thinking about new careers and what I wanted my life to be in 20 years. What I knew for sure was that I didn't want to be a cocktail waitress in my fifties. So I started thinking, and I began looking into colleges. After a few months of researching, planning, seeking council, and re-planning, I have the start of a plan and a semblance of a goal. And most importantly, I've taken the first step.
I know it wont be simple. Hell, I'm a single-working-homeschooling mother of two. I also live with another single-working-homeschooling mother of four. How I'm going to make it all work, I have no real idea. But, I will. "Making it work" is a family trait. I believe in a lifestyle of learning. That's why I homeschool my kids. The world is a classroom. At no age are you too young or too old to be educated. The brain is like a muscle; it need only be exercised to grow strong.
So, here we go! Onward and upward. I propose a toast to late nights, online classes and hounding my new guidance councilor (read: new non-consensual best friend) with every question that pops into my head. I refuse to fudge this go round. I wont waste my 3.88 GPA on a degree that most of the world wont recognize. And most importantly, I will show my kids what a life of learning is all about.
You see, I'm twenty eight and a half years old. (I have small children, so that half a year is important data in my household.) I've been to college once and fudge it up pretty well. Not that I performed poorly, I simply didn't make good decisions, because my only guidance came from a strong but misguided spirituality. "Feeling led" by some divine hand made my clueless-ness easier to navigate, but the direction was anything but sound. In the end I earned a worthless degree from a worthless college, and two years worth of nontransferable credit hours. Thankfully, my blunders have at least served to educate me as I look back on them with the 20/20 vision we know as hindsight. And thankfully, I was so bored at my fake college that I took courses at the community college just for fun. So I do have some transferable credits.
It was only a few months back that I began entertaining the thought of going back to school. I wasn't really serious; I was just dreaming...figuring out what to do. I once dreamed of being a performing artist. A "rock star" to be precise. I was actually well on my way, but a family tragedy knocked me off my feet and I never recovered my passion for music. Instead, I worked on creating a calm, peace filled, and sane environment for my children and I. I was also doing well with that when another tragedy occurred and I found myself face first in the dirt again.
I felt lost and in the dark. All that I thought I would have was gone, and I no longer had a plan for the future. I felt like I was walking in a pitch black night, with nothing more than a candle to light my way. I could see mere feet ahead. In fact, all the future that I could envisage was simply the very next step. (What should I prepare for dinner? Who's baby sitting tonight, while I work?) For the first time in my life I had no flipping clue where I was going with my life. And it was the coolest place I'd ever been. For the first time in my life I was truly savoring each moment. Even in moments and days of deep depression, I still was living my life in a far more connected way than I ever had before. And I still kinda feel that way, though now I've started to construct a new future. Despite my planning, I'm determined to stay connected.
So anyway, I started thinking about new careers and what I wanted my life to be in 20 years. What I knew for sure was that I didn't want to be a cocktail waitress in my fifties. So I started thinking, and I began looking into colleges. After a few months of researching, planning, seeking council, and re-planning, I have the start of a plan and a semblance of a goal. And most importantly, I've taken the first step.
I know it wont be simple. Hell, I'm a single-working-homeschooling mother of two. I also live with another single-working-homeschooling mother of four. How I'm going to make it all work, I have no real idea. But, I will. "Making it work" is a family trait. I believe in a lifestyle of learning. That's why I homeschool my kids. The world is a classroom. At no age are you too young or too old to be educated. The brain is like a muscle; it need only be exercised to grow strong.
So, here we go! Onward and upward. I propose a toast to late nights, online classes and hounding my new guidance councilor (read: new non-consensual best friend) with every question that pops into my head. I refuse to fudge this go round. I wont waste my 3.88 GPA on a degree that most of the world wont recognize. And most importantly, I will show my kids what a life of learning is all about.
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